David Brooks of the New York Times recently wrote an article outlining three views of marriage: The Psychological Lens, the Romantic Lens, and the Moral Lens.
Valentine’s Day, oh, Valentine’s Day. We love you. We hate you. All the potential… all the pressure. Especially in a long-term relationship… very few of which get through 5 or 10 or 20 Februaries without some “Ghosts of Valentines Past” haunting them and making both partners gunshy for the next.
I used to ask him, “how was your day?”
Not that helpful.
When he seemed grumpy or withdrawn, I’d ask him, “What’s going on?”
He’d feel interrogated…. No matter how gentle I’d thought I had sounded.
Love dies a thousand deaths. Sensuality dies a thousand deaths. In a long life together, it will die and grow cold and be buried… Unless you REFUSE to let it.
Picture this: you scroll through your Instagram feed, and the self-portraits are grown women, glowing in the full presence and tingling invigoration brought on by the delicious sex they’ve been having regularly… and they say a little about that. Nothing voyeuristic, mind you… Just like, “Loving the way John and I are connecting… I think it’s good for my complexion, too!”
15 years ago today, my parents escorted me to a sun-dappled clearing in the woods to meet Kurt and his parents at an altar he and I had built together. I was not transferred like property: I partnered with this man, and our union joined our families together, with the support and celebration of 150 dear friends and family from across the country.
He used to blow up. A lot. And so would I. For a long time…. Years, really… I thought it was just an inexorable part of our special brand of fucked-up-ness.
I click "end" on Skype at 5:52.
The smile from my clients dances around my lips and cheeks and eyes. So does the fatigue of the day.
I brush the day off my teeth. Muss my curls. Gloss my lips. Twinkle at my reflection. Mothering, moving, managing... I can forget that woman in the mirror. Forget she shines. But not tonight.
You're allowed to need time (even lots and lots of time) alone in order to be balanced and happy. Even when you love someone. You're allowed to want things they don't yet know how to give you. Even when you love them.
What love languages speak most fluently to your heart and body?
Whether you're single or partnered, "wanting love" is a pretty broad theme, no? We want to give love in the ways that it nourishes us to give, and we want to receive in the deep, heart-touching ways that speak to us most.
There are longings in all our hearts to feel more _____. Easeful, cherished, abundant, ravished, adored, successful, smart... Whatever it is you want to feel more often and with more intensity, I'm plunkin' my chips on the table to bet that you haven't been practicing holding more of that feeling when it comes your way.
Hold Your Shape: Sex has a way of tempting us to lose ourselves; that very temptation can help us evolve. Getting very close, asking for what we want, and responding to our partners' requests are all stations of temptation...
I'm spearheading a revolution in monogamous relationships. I call it the Hot Love Revolution. It's rooted in these 11 key beliefs about people, relationships, and what's possible.