In this episode, my husband and I walk you through our journey through the four stages of relationship. From the initial spark of love without knowledge to the mature state of knowing love, we'll share insights into each stage and how they have shaped our 27-year relationship. Whether you're wondering why marriage is so hard or seeking ways to reignite the passion, join us as we delve into the intricacies of navigating these stages and finding grace in each one.
075: Embracing Pain and Beauty with Myra Sack
In her newly released book, 57 Fridays: Losing Our Daughter, Finding Our Way, Myra brings us into the intimate journey through the immense grief of losing her daughter, Havi, to Tay-Sachs disease. I wanted to bring Myra onto the show to explore the delicate balance between the most painful and beautiful moments of our lives.
074: From People Pleaser to Truly Generous
052: The Heart of Intimacy, The Root of Conflict
EPISODE SHOW NOTES
This is a different kind of episode. Often, I record podcast episodes about things that have come up with clients recently or I initiate out of conversations that I feel like we need to have in the culture that we haven't been having. Today's episode is about a topic that is blowing my mind right now, because I didn't think of it this way until I was reading this amazing book, "The Audacity to Be You" by Brad Reedy. In this episode, I want to talk about Reedy’s concept of the “three circles” because I believe that this concept is at the heart of intimacy. And it's also at the root of most conflict, especially between two people.
As you listen to this episode, you'll discover:
Brad Reedy’s “three circles model” and how it ties in with what I am learning about myself
How we get walled off from one another or tangled up in each other's selves
How we can use the three circles model to better know ourselves and our partner
Where to start to create more of a sense of self and healthier intimacy with other people
How this can apply to many of your relationships- whether it’s your spouse, children, or friends
And more.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
“The inner work of being an adult is to find those pieces of ourselves that we've disowned, that we thought weren't lovable, that we thought that no one could both see and care about us and to bring those back up.”
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Hot Moments in This Episode:
How to “shovel while the pile is small” [3:28]
The “twofer” that gets in the way of building Legacy Love in therapy [4:17]
How the patriarchy affects your relationship that a therapist may miss [11:08]
What I hope your next investment in your relationship looks like [18:17]
RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
The Audacity to be You by Brad Reedy
I hope that you get to a place where this kind of invitation is just a working part of who you are as a couple; that you keep leapfrogging into new possibilities. erotically emotionally, career-wise, This is a never-ending road, not of difficulty and pain, but of potential and joy, growth, freedom, and pleasure. And that's what I want for you.
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks
Click here to listen to this episode.
Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now
Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too.
5-star reviews help more women find my podcast - and thereby have better love and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read! Totally your good deed for the day! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about the podcast. Thank you so much!
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:
Image credit: Photo by Valerie Elash on Unsplash
051: Why Therapy Didn’t Get You There
EPISODE SHOW NOTES
You've tried therapy before, and it didn't get you where you wanted to go. Maybe it helped. Many people report to me that it got them on the right path, but not really to their goals. My goal is to help couples not just reduce the “itching, burning and swelling”- the immediate pains that they're facing when they come to me- but truly create a great relationship. And, truly, what many of the couples that come to me want is to go from a good really solid relationship to a great relationship, which I call Legacy Love. Today, we're going to talk about why couples counseling often doesn't get couples to that place, and how to make sure that next time you do make an investment in your relationship, it can get you where you really want to go.
As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:
The point at which most couples seek counseling
What I’ve learned about couples counseling from my own experiences in therapy
What you need to be doing between your sessions is to get the results you want
The importance of putting the conversation about the relationship in the context of trauma, power, patriarchy, and colonization
The difference between treating the symptoms and actually building towards our vision
And more.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
“Our rates of normal marital mediocrity can be chalked up to not having a high enough vision and a deep enough devotion to being one another's person.”
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Hot Moments in This Episode:
How to “shovel while the pile is small” [3:28]
The “twofer” that gets in the way of building Legacy Love in therapy [4:17]
How the patriarchy affects your relationship that a therapist may miss [11:08]
What I hope your next investment in your relationship looks like [18:17]
I hope that you get to a place where this kind of invitation is just a working part of who you are as a couple; that you keep leapfrogging into new possibilities. erotically emotionally, career-wise, This is a never-ending road, not of difficulty and pain, but of potential and joy, growth, freedom, and pleasure. And that's what I want for you.
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks
Click here to listen to this episode.
Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now
Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too.
5-star reviews help more women find my podcast - and thereby have better love and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read! Totally your good deed for the day! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about the podcast. Thank you so much!
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:
Image credit: Photo by Azgan MjEshtri on Unsplash
050: Help Yourself Draw a Line
EPISODE SHOW NOTES
There are some serious ways that our partners can be stuck. Many clients and members of my audience have approached me with concerns like, "I just need him to get a job and nothing I've tried has worked" or "Her drinking is really concerning to me, but it's not concerning to her so she's not about to get into recovery.” It's very reasonable that your partner might feel terrified to make a particular change and you may be the only voice or the loudest voice asking them to change. Today's episode is about how we get our partners on board with something that we really want, but that perhaps you've spent years trying to get through to them about and it hasn't worked.
In this episode, I’ll walk you through:
How to get clarity about what you’re willing to give in order to have the relationship you envision
My experience of drawing a line with my husband and how it transformed our marriage
How to start the conversation about your partner's behaviors in a way that can benefit you and your partner
Finding a “Plan B” to underscore for you what’s really going on (and how that’s different than a threat)
Understanding the objections that may arise when you confront these behaviors
And more.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
“I assure you, you were built for more. If you are living in a way that is hobbled by your partner’s under-functioning or under-living, they deserve and you deserve so much more.”
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Hot Moments in This Episode:
How you can call your partner to begin their “hero’s journey”
The negotiating tactic you can use to get clarity
The three-stage way I communicated about my partner’s outbursts
Some sentence starters that can help you begin a productive conversation
I hope that you get to a place where this kind of invitation is just a working part of who you are as a couple; that you keep leapfrogging into new possibilities. erotically emotionally, career-wise, This is a never-ending road, not of difficulty and pain, but of potential and joy, growth, freedom, and pleasure. And that's what I want for you.
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks
Click here to listen to this episode.
Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now
Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too.
5-star reviews help more women find my podcast - and thereby have better love and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read! Totally your good deed for the day! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about the podcast. Thank you so much!
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:
049: Unmet Needs
EPISODE SHOW NOTES
Think for a moment about what conditions you thrive under, what sets you up to be your happiest, your healthiest, most balanced, joyful self. When that thing is missing it functions like a rock in your shoe. You're able to keep walking, but it’s just a little bit more painful. That’s how an unmet need can feel and how it can create tension and unhappiness in your life. Today, I want to address what needs are and what they aren't, and how you know. We'll talk about what's possible when your needs get met, and what to do when they're not.
As you listen to this episode, we’ll talk about:
The categories of needs that people often come to me about
How to distinguish between “wants” and “desires” and how they overlap
Signs that you may have unmet needs
Patterns that individuals and couples fall into when they have unmet needs
Approaches you can use to get your needs met
Unraveling myths and misconceptions around your needs
And more.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
“Desires are the marching orders that the divine writes on our hearts. They speak to who we are to be in this world.”
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Hot Moments in This Episode:
The difference between my approach and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (3:32)
The most amazing thing about needs (13:00)
What to try if an unmet need feels like an emergency (14:53)
What the “portfolio approach” is and how to make it work for you (18:21)
I hope that you're taking away a bright vision of yourself as an organism that has needs that you might not have pinpointed yet, but that you can get acquainted with. And I hope that you can see that when you honor those needs, you do a service not just to yourself, but to your partner and everyone you're close to and truly to the whole world.
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks
Click here to listen to this episode.
Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now
Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too.
5-star reviews help more women find my podcast - and thereby have better love and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read! Totally your good deed for the day! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about the podcast. Thank you so much!
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:
Image credit: Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash
048: Turn On Your Marriage
EPISODE SHOW NOTES
This topic is very close to my heart and it is one of the central beliefs that informs all the work I do with my clients. Today, I'm here to tell you that you deserve and are capable of experiencing pleasure no matter where you are in life. In my latest episode, we talk about how you can bring more of that pleasure and aliveness into your marriage.
As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:
The five beliefs that you need to create for yourself to sustain the level of turn-on that your body and your heart yearn for
What happens when you think of your marriage as another “to-do” and how to turn it into an energy source instead
Interrogating your beliefs around what you “deserve”
Accepting that you can cultivate pleasure at any size, shape, age (despite your objections)
The importance of looking at your vision for what’s possible in your relationship
And more.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
“I'm here to tell you that pleasure is absolutely possible at any age. And beyond possible, it's absolutely worthy and beautiful and it is our birthright.”
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Hot Moments in This Episode:
The steamroller you’ll have to stand up to in order to have a turned on marriage
Why you already have what you need in order to have a turned-on life
Why learning sex tricks probably isn’t going to help...
The fundamental question I dare you to ask yourself
My wish for you is that you see yourself as that visionary, that change agent who is blessed with a vision that others might not yet see, but a vision that will serve you in the world very well, if you nourish yourself well enough to hold the vision and devote yourself to it with self love and perseverance. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks
Click here to listen to this episode.
Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now
Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too.
5-star reviews help more women find my podcast - and thereby have better love and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read! Totally your good deed for the day! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about the podcast. Thank you so much!
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:
Image credit: Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash
047: You Want Someone Else
EPISODE SHOW NOTES
Let me ask you a personal question (or a few). Do you have fantasies about sex with other people? Do you have sometimes active desires to consummate those fantasies? Do you wonder what that means about you or about your partner? I’m going to guess you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions. And you know what? That is all totally okay. Today we're going to talk about your desire for sex with other people and start to dig in to what that could mean for you.
As you listen to this episode, you'll learn::
Different reasons you might want sex with another person
What your desires or fantasies might signal about your needs and how they could actually benefit your relationship
What it means you are fantasizing about a specific person or about finding someone new in the abstract
Questions to ask yourself about to get to the root of your desire and address it
And more.
And more.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
“ I think of sexual fantasies as being like a Pensieve, they show us ourselves. You can see yourself in your desires.”
”
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Recommended reading regarding sex with other people:
“Sex at Dawn” by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá
“The State of Affairs” and “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel, one of my teachers
“Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino
“The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy
Hot Moments in This Episode:
The money habit that’s a sex-crusher (8:20)
How money conflicts can be the canary in the coal mine (9:42)
Explaining what I mean by “financial infidelity” (13:25)
The different money strategies I have heard from hundreds of people (17:56)
My wish for you is that you see yourself as that visionary, that change agent who is blessed with a vision that others might not yet see, but a vision that will serve you in the world very well, if you nourish yourself well enough to hold the vision and devote yourself to it with self love and perseverance. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks
Click here to listen to this episode.
Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now
Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too.
5-star reviews help more women find my podcast - and thereby have better love and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read! Totally your good deed for the day! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about the podcast. Thank you so much!
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:
Image credit: Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash
046: My Money, Our Money
EPISODE SHOW NOTES
Money is a hot topic, especially in relationship to love and sex in long term relationships. Money is energy, and it's power. How you handle money together shapes so much of the rest of your experience of your partnership and how you feel about yourself. So, today, I thought I'd dive into it in an episode about my money, our money, your money, and look at the relationship side and the erotic side of what happens with couples and money.
As you listen to this episode, you'll learn::
Managing money when you both have different approaches (spender or saver?)
Diving into your “money memories” and what they may mean for you today
How the meanings that you assign to money affect your relationship dynamic
Recognizing both partners’ contributions to the relationship
Navigating an income differential in a way that is satisfying to you both
And more.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
“Money is like a mirror, it will reflect whatever we hold up to it.”
”
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
Money Harmony by Olivia Mellan and Sherry Christie
Hot Moments in This Episode:
The money habit that’s a sex-crusher (8:20)
How money conflicts can be the canary in the coal mine (9:42)
Explaining what I mean by “financial infidelity” (13:25)
The different money strategies I have heard from hundreds of people (17:56)
My wish for you is that you see yourself as that visionary, that change agent who is blessed with a vision that others might not yet see, but a vision that will serve you in the world very well, if you nourish yourself well enough to hold the vision and devote yourself to it with self love and perseverance. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks
Click here to listen to this episode.
Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now
Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!
Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too.
5-star reviews help more women find my podcast - and thereby have better love and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read! Totally your good deed for the day! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about the podcast. Thank you so much!
OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:
Image credit: Photo by Mathieu Stern on Unsplash