When you're going to read TOGETHER to deepen your love & sex, here are my personalized recommendations.
I’m a total book nerd.
My beloved, less so, at least on the self-help/psychology front (he reads spiritual books, cool bios and memoirs, and potent non-fiction about larger social/political/economic issues, and every now and then some fiction). But when we’ve sat down and read books TOGETHER to strengthen our relationship and our own skillfulness? We’ve become powerful learning partners.
So look down this list and find the statement that sounds most like the two of you, and you’ll find a personalized recommendation for the two of you to read together (or at least in tandem!?):
We don’t want to work on our relationship (or we’ve worked on it so long and so hard we’re exhausted):
Working on Your Relationship Doesn’t Work by Ariel & Shya Kane
We want to reinvigorate our sexual relationship (and we don’t think the maid-costume-and-weekends-away route will cut it):
Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship by Dr. David Schnarch
We want to know how to communicate and prioritize so our relationship works for us both:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman, Ph.D.
OR if you’re new (or new-ish) parents, this one has some overlap but will be SO helpful:
And Baby Makes Three: by John and Julie Gottman
We want guidance for experiences we can create together to draw us closer and nurture us both:
The Couples’ Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden
We want to learn skills so we can hold one another more tenderly inside our emotional neediness:
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson
We want to broaden our sexual horizons together:
Orgasms for Two by Betty Dodson, Ph.D.
Without pathologizing anyone, we want to understand why one of us runs away when the emotional heat is on, and/or why one of us runs toward or clings to the other:
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
We don’t have a lot of time to read or do work together, but we want some sweet little tidbits to help us shift our perspective on love and each other:
How to Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
We want to kiss more. Better. And learn a lot from it.
Kissing School by Cherie Byrd
Let me know how you like these books. And tell me what books have made the biggest difference in your love and sex. I'll be sure to share them with others!