What women wish their lovers knew.

Psst. Your wife asked me to explain a few things.

She may not even know these, and it’d be harder to hear coming from her than from me. So here I go. Don’t shoot the messenger.

You know what your partner wishes you knew?

{This is not about all women or all men.}

This is not about all women through all time.  This is not necessarily applicable everywhere on the planet right now. 

Instead, this is about where we are at this unique time in history, in the Western world, where women have access to the worlds of public discourse, of business, of politics.

This is about smart women who have educational and career opportunities and who do big things with those opportunities.  The kind of women I’m talking about have significant careers.  They are leaders and volunteers in their communities.  They are committed mothers and makers of homes.  They are conscious consumers, making decisions that balance the needs of their families, their budgets, the planet, and the people who make the products.   They are strong women.

{This is only for good men, kind men, gentle men.} 
Women tell me over and over, “My husband is such a good guy. So nice.” If your wife would not describe you that way, I’m not writing this to you. If you’re a sadist, if you like to get your power by knocking your partner’s down, I’m not talking to you. Stop reading.

If you’re a gentle guy, hoping I can help your relationship? Read on, darling.

Strong women are amazing, right?

You love them.  I love them. And I very much love a man who – despite perhaps not having been raised by this same kind of woman, perhaps not having seen a man ever successfully navigate a relationship with one – builds a life with his strong woman.  Even if she’s occasionally (or frequently!) intimidating, you’re not threatened by her.  Even though she’s occasionally (or regularly!) emasculating in the way she communicates with you (she really doesn’t mean to be, by the way), you love her. Even if it’s hard to make her happy, to keep her happy, you try. Hard.

You love her, you respect her, you appreciate her, you marvel at her.

And I marvel at the way you make room for TWO powerful people in the relationship.

But…all this power mixing makes things wonky.

Instead of a clear North Pole and a clear South Pole, there’s an imbalance in the polarity of relationships between strong women and nice men.

All humans possess both masculine and feminine power.
Strong women have activated a lot of what I call “masculine power.”  It’s not male power.  It’s the assertive, penetrating, self-reliant, driving, pragmatic side of our capability.

Maybe relating to each other was more straight-forward when society didn’t accept feminine power demonstrated by men or masculine power demonstrated by women.  Then, it was obvious what role each person would perform in a relationship:  the woman would be receptive, sensual, nurturing, resilient, and non-linear.  The man would be driving, providing, fierce, and focused.

Obvious. Easy-peasy.

But now, women have activated their masculine energies and men are demonstrating – and embodying – more emotional sensitivity, aesthetic taste, domestic skill, and other traits that used to be the exclusive province of women.

All this is good.  But it’s confusing.

The polarities that draw men and women together get reversed or mixed up.  And this mixes up our relationships, which get frustrating at best, and at worst, become tremendously fraught and painful.

What to do about it?

I've written an e-book called Penetrate Her:  What strong women need from men.  Sign up for my weekly love notes and I'll send it to you when it's got my beautiful new branding on it.