EPISODE SHOW NOTES
Holidays. Holy Daze! This time of year, more than others, many people indulge and over-indulge. The effect on our relationships of drinking, eating, spending, using pot, and other “escape hatches” can be intensely negative, but also hard to pinpoint. In this episode, I’m getting specific about the damage my food addiction did in my life & marriage and giving you tools to address any compulsions or addictions you identify in yourself. I’ll also share what to do (and what not to!) if you suspect your sweetheart has a problem.
This episode spills:
How to tell the difference between addiction and compulsion
The effects of addictions or compulsivebehaviors on relationships
What to do if you think your partner has an addiction or compulsion
What’s possible on the other side of admitting there’s a problem
And more.
Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.
"Stepping into recovery has opened up new vistas for me... New possibilities. There’s a depth and a sweetness in my marriage, and also my relationship with myself and my relationship with the Divine, that I couldn't have even imagined when I first began."
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Hot Moments in This Episode:
The elephant in the room when talking about love and sex 00:45
How escape hatches can manifest 02:24
Defining addiction and compulsion 03:30
One thing that changed my dramatically 06:30
The secret I even kept from my therapist 08:42
What to do if my partner has an addiction problem 18:43
It’s really vulnerable to share the story of my addiction and to admit publicly how powerless I am about what I eat. But if sharing my story helps even one person see that they don’t have to struggle daily forever with their own addiction, it will absolutely have been worth it.
I deeply hope this episode has helped you yourself and/or a loved one with more compassion and hope.
You're always invited to ask questions and share your reactions and results from each episode. You can post in the question thread in the private community at Conscious Couples’ Circle or leave us a voicemail at 206-659-9865.
My favorite books on recovery (notably, all by actual addicts, not just clinicians who try to help without having walked the path:
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts - Gabor Maté
Recovery―The Sacred Art: The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice - Rabbi Rami Shapiro
Twenty Four Hours a Day - a daily thought I read first thing every single morning
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions by Russell Brand
12 Step Recovery Fellowships for Those Facing Addiction or Compulsion:
The O.G. recovery program:
AA – Alcoholics Anonymous
The founders of AA adapted a 12-step system from another organization to create a process by which alcoholics could help one another stop relying on alcohol to cope with life. The other 12-step groups I list here all draw from the heritage of AA’s 12 Steps for their recovery program, with additional tools and literature specific to the nature of the particular challenge their members share.
RECOVERING FROM THE EFFECTS OF TRAUMA, ABUSE, NEGLECT, WITH OR WITHOUT ADDICTIONS:
ACA – Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families - for those who were raised in alcoholic and other dysfunctional families
CLUTTER, HOARDING, POSSESSIONS (see also money/shopping programs below):
RELATIONSHIPS & CODEPENDENCY (ALSO SEE SEX CATEGORY BELOW):
CoDA – Co-Dependents Anonymous, for people working to end patterns of dysfunctional relationships and develop functional and healthy relationships
EMOTIONS, MENTAL ILLNESS:
EA – Emotions Anonymous, for recovery from mental and emotional illness
OTHER DRUGS:
CMA – Crystal Meth Anonymous
CA – Cocaine Anonymous
HA – Heroin Anonymous
MA – Marijuana Anonymous
NA – Narcotics Anonymous
NicA – Nicotine Anonymous
PA – Pills Anonymous, for recovery from prescription pill addiction
FOOD, BODY IMAGE, ANOREXIA, BULIMIA, BINGE EATING:
Food Addicts Anonymous – http://foodaddictsanonymous.org/
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (including anorexia, bulimia) – http://www.foodaddicts.org/
Overeaters Anonymous – http://www.oa.org/
Compulsive Eaters Anonymous – http://www.ceahow.org/
Eating Disorders Anonymous – http://www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org/
HOW - Overeaters Anonymous – https://how-oa.org/about/
Self Mutilators Anonymous – http://www.selfmutilatorsanonymous.org/
SEX & “LOVE” ADDICTION:
Love Addicts Anonymous – http://www.loveaddicts.org/
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous – http://www.slaafws.org/
Sex Addicts Anonymous – http://www.sexaa.org/
Sexaholics Anonymous – http://www.sa.org
Sexual Compulsive Anonymous – http://www.sca-recovery.org/
Sexual Recovery Anonymous – http://sexualrecovery.org/
WORK, MONEY, SPENDING, SHOPPING, DEBT, EARNING, AND GAMBLING:
DA – Debtors Anonymous
GA – Gamblers Anonymous
SA - Spenders Anonymous
Specialty 12 Step Groups for Those whose Loved Ones Are Addicted or Compulsive:
Al-Anon/Alateen, for friends and families of alcoholics, associated with AA
FA – Families Anonymous - For relatives and friends concerned about the use of drugs or related behavioral problems
Gam-Anon/Gam-A-Teen, for friends and family members of problem gamblers
Co-Anon, for friends and family of cocaine addicts, associated with Cocaine Anonymous
COSA – a friends and family group associated with Sex Addicts Anonymous
COSLAA – CoSex and Love Addicts Anonymous, for friends and family of people with a sex or love addiction, associated with SLAA
Families Anonymous - For relatives and friends concerned about the use of drugs or related behavioral problems
I’m not an addictions counselor. You may want to see one locally, and especially in this time of COVID, you can reach a 12 Step meeting related to your particular challenge any day of the week from anywhere in the world, because so many in-person meetings are now held on the phone or on Zoom or Skype. And whether you are seeing an addiction counselor, working a 12-step program, or still trying to figure out what to do about your own or your partner’s problematic behavior patterns, I am here to help your couple.
If you want to take the work you’ve done on yourself and the consciousness you’ve worked hard to gain and apply it to create consistently magnificent relationships in your marriage, with your kids, and beyond, I am here to help. More fun than therapy, more effective than anything, clients say coaching with me permanently uplevels their love, sex, leadership and life. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FREE AND PRIVATE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE (IT’S ON MIGHTY NETWORKS, NOT FACEBOOK!). I CREATED THE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE TO GIVE POWERFUL WOMEN AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM A CONFIDENTIAL, AD-FREE PLACE TO ENGAGE IN THE VITAL CONVERSATIONS WE SEED WITH THE PODCAST EVERY WEEK, AND SO MUCH MORE COMMUNITY SUPPORT FOR GROWING THE HABITS THAT WILL BUILD THE LOVE AND SEX YOU REALLY WANT.
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