054: Defensiveness in Love & Sex
Sex.Love.Power.: The intimacy podcast for powerful women & those who love them
I want to devote a whole episode to the topic of defensiveness: how we engender it in each other, and why we get defensive ourselves. This is one of the biggest things I see stopping couples from communicating effectively, from connecting more deeply, and from experiencing more turn-on and erotic charge in their relationships. So if you've had defensiveness on either side of the conversation, this episode is for you.
In this episode we’ll cover:
Reasons you get defensive- whether it’s stemming from you or from your partner
What to do when your partner or someone else seems defensive.
What to do when you feel unfairly attacked or accused
How to calm down when either of you has gotten defensive
“It's a tremendous challenge and opportunity to be fresh in today's conversation, rather than to call up that whole library of painful experiences that everybody, even in a good relationship, has over years and years together, because you're both human.”
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen
Hot Moments in this Episode
Why you should celebrate when defensiveness comes up [5:37]
One of the best tools for dismantling defensiveness when bringing up an issue [15:25]
Signs that your partner may be becoming defensive [17:35]
What happens when you “throw in the kitchen sink” [26:40]
I wish for every couple listening today is to be able to talk about the most tender things, the most raw things, the deepest reactions you have to one another because those contain the gold of both your personal evolutions and the most intimate relationship that you can possibly have with each other.
Click here to listen to the episode!
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