EPISODE SHOW NOTES
As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:
The nervous system state we must be in for connection to work, and the three other states we’re always moving in and out of as well
Why stonewalling, withdrawal, or non-responsiveness in relationship aren’t always a partner being unloving or deliberately withdrawn and what’s sometimes REALLY going on instead
how sometimes, what looks like depression is just a nervous system state of “freeze” and what you can do about it
And more. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Secret Society on Mighty Networks.
If you can find strategies to get back into your body via the senses,
that will get you grounded and calm.
THAT'S WHAT GROUNDING IS.
- Dr. Jessica Pullins
Hot Moments in This Episode:
How to make the most of your nervous system so you can settle the eff down (0:54)
Ways to know you need a self-regulation toolkit (spoiler: one is if you have a nervous system) (1:30)
Polyvagal Theory, sympathetic & parasympathetic nervous systems (4:49)
Ventral Vagal (stop, freeze!) vs. Dorsal Vagal (fight, flee) nerve enervation and responses (7:08)
Our nervous system is like an inverted stoplight (7:45)
States vs. Traits + Retreating or needing alone time due to nervous system activation vs. due to character traits (9:04)
When otherwise articulate people lose the ability to speak (11:38)
How to learn to recognize & name your state (after, if not while you’re in it) (12:09)
Common triggers of freeze states (14:09)
How shame can send someone into a freeze state (14:53)
Shame/freeze shuts down sexual response (16:53)
Freeze state can feel like numbness or depression (17:52)
How to signal to your body that you actually ARE safe (19:15)
Learn to notice freeze response by noticing it in your partner and others (25:56)
Gottman’s Stonewalling may sometimes simply be a freeze nervous system reaction (26:09)
Regulate, THEN communicate (27:51)
…Tune in to Episode 007 to hear Part II of the Self-Regulation Toolkit, where we’ll talk more about the fight or flight response, how to regulate when it’s activated, and how to reach the social connection state, where the prefrontal cortex is. online and we can relate and communicate in satisfying ways.
I hope you find this episode helps you see some of your own and your partner’s nervous system responses in a refreshing new light. I hope it helps you remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.
Click here to download a free pdf self-regulation quick guide summarizing the tools mentioned in both episodes and more.
Click here to listen to this episode.
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