The Nice Guy's Guide to A Turned-On Life: with more fun, more respect, and more sex

I adore men.  It breaks my heart that women so misunderstand you.  And it pisses me off that so many of the good things that have happened for (at least some) women in the past 50 years have created such funky dynamics between empowered women and the good guys who love them.  We emasculate you and ask you to contort yourselves in so many ways.  Not today, my darlings.  The following list of invitations is my way of calling you forward in all your masculine glory.

There was a time when I wouldn't have asked you for these things.

I've learned a lot about what I really want from men and especially from my man.  And your woman may have much to learn about what she actually needs and wants in your relationship.   So whether your partner forwarded this to you, printed it out and left it in the bathroom, or scoffs when you show it to her, please know that surrendering to a man's... well, his masculinity, his yang-side... is both a deep desire and need of a woman's, and sometimes (depending on how far into her masculine territory she's wandered) pretty threatening.  I assure you: take these invitations on.  Maybe invite her to read my blog .  And stay with it.  Penetrate her.  She'll come around.  And - sooner or later - she'll thank you abundantly.

11 Ways For a Nice Guy to Claim A More Turned-On Life

Heracles y el león de Nemea

1. Suit up and get on the field, every day.

Nobody wakes up a champion.  Like an athlete or a warrior, gear up and gird your loins for what's ahead.  Make it a ritual to step into the mindset, the skills, the heart, and the energy you need to be your best.  Rest, then do it again tomorrow.

2. Thank yourself.

You want to feel appreciated and respected for all you do and are.  Paradox is, the less respect and appreciation you feel, the less you get.  Give yourself all the thanks and acknowledgment you need, and notice how much "extra" pours in from everyone else.

3. Run like a well-oiled machine.

Don't pretend you can operate well on chronic neglect.  From diet to sleep to entertainment to sex to mental stimulation to spiritual connection, give yourself the best fuel sources for your needs.  Garbage in, garbage out.  Deprivation in, deprivation out.

4. Make your fears your wingmen.

Little secret: everyone's scared all the time.  Know what your fears are in any moment, and they become your power rather than having power over you.  Your deepest values and desires are at the root of those fears, so learn their language and quit letting them jerk your chain in the wrong direction.

5. Know what others really want.  Provide that.  Disregard the rest of their demands or complaints.

With women, at work, with kids: everybody wants something, but few know what it is or admit it baldly.  Your power increases exponentially as you become the desire whisperer who calls desires forth boldly, provides or facilitates those desires.  Whether negotiating, showing love, or evoking performance, desires are your key to every lock.  Disregard the rest of the noise.

6. Be the penetrator.

In conversation with someone who's not saying everything, push into the truth.  When someone needs called up, when a situation demands stewardship or clarification, be the one who pushes into it and makes a change, without delay or soft-pedaling.  With finesse?  Always.  But with clarity and power, too.

7. Have a point and live it.

Commit to your purpose in every moment - whether it's your capital-P-Purpose or your #1 goal for this month, or the thing you want most for your daughter.  Know what you intend and relentlessly return to that highest purpose in each situation.

8. Go all the way down so you can go all the way up.

Take time truly off.  Build cushions into your day.  Find places and ways to safely be vulnerable or scared or tired or to not know.  So you can completely crush it when it's time to be "on."

9. Build your skills, then transcend them.

Anywhere you want to perform, diligently apprentice yourself to the best practices.  Then, find your true mastery by working - not from the book, but - from your deepest gut instinct.

10. Stop working so hard not to be a dick.  Always give yourself that option; just don't use it unnecessarily.

You're a good guy.  It's been proven time and again.  And the exceptional times when you go against your own standards, or are perceived as not-nice, even though you're trying to be?  They're reactions - backlash - to times you needed to be less "nice" and you didn't.  So keep the barbarian option handy, and use it judiciously, and it'll never use you.

11. Worship at the altar of the goddess.

If there's a woman in your life, let your time with her body and her heart be a spiritual practice. Don't idolize that woman, let her be your portal to the Divine Feminine, which can comfort, fulfill, and rejuvenate you like nothing else.  Like any spiritual practice, if you approach it with both the intent to bow down and the intent to be nourished, you will gain both humility and succor.  Whether your practice involves looking your wife in the eye and listening to her talk about her day, making love, or getting the kids bathed and in bed, dedicate your efforts to that higher feminine principle, and you'll be richly rewarded.

Talk back to me! How do these land for you? Do any raise questions or concerns?  You can comment below or send me a private email from the Contact Me link at the bottom of the page.

Love love,