016: When Men Avoid S€x

EPISODE SHOW NOTES

If a man is a good guy, that actually INCREASES his chances of having problems in the bedroom.  Why?  Many caring, sensitive, emotionally open men are good friends, partners, and parents… and when it comes to s€x with their wives… They shrink, fizzle, or need things Just. So. or they can’t be there.  In today’s episode, I’ll  talk about why it’s such a confusing time to be  a good  man, how our culture messes with men’s heads around sex, and what we can do about it.


This episode spills:

  • Why good men often avoid being erotic

  • How cultural messages kneecap our sexuality

  • The pleasurable possibilities on the other side of admitting there’s a problem

  • How to find the secret to what fuels our sexual expression


And more. 


Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.

"There's an epidemic happening among good men: an epidemic of needlessness and wantlessness. It's causing tremendous pain in their marriages, because a man who has pushed down his needs and wants isn't a very potent man."

- Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

Hot Moments in This Episode:

  • Why loving, wonderful husbands avoid sex in some way. 00:39

  • Your past experience of love, goodness & worthiness matter now. 01:47

  • The whole truth to finding the path to happiness. 04:30

  • Are you throwing out your life-giving desires without realizing it? .08:12

  • Discover the cost of being too good. 10:32

  • The difference in sexuality to a yin & a yan essence brain. 12:03

  • How to unlock your truth in ways that are respectful & kind 16:50

I know that a man who has ambivalence about erotic connection is in a lot of pain, and that his pain and confusion trigger a lot of pain and insecurity in his partner, too. If you’ve been frustrated and hurting about the ways you or your partner pull away from s€x or have conflicting feelings about it, I hope this episode has helped you understand better what has created the tangled dynamics and where you can begin to navigate this fraught territory.

You're always invited to ask questions and share your reactions and results from each episode. You can post in the question thread in the private community at Conscious Couples’ Circle or leave us a voicemail at 206-659-9865. My wish for you is that you have a deep, sweet, hot connection in the bedroom, beyond the reaches of cultural pressures, where there’s only the two of you and the magical, mysterious power of pleasure.


If you want support and guidance from me to create the kind of love and s€x you dream of having, and to clear out any muck that blocks you from that experience, reach out.


CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FREE AND PRIVATE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE (IT’S ON MIGHTY NETWORKS, NOT FACEBOOK!). I CREATED THE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE TO GIVE POWERFUL WOMEN AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM A CONFIDENTIAL, AD-FREE PLACE TO ENGAGE IN THE VITAL CONVERSATIONS WE SEED WITH THE PODCAST EVERY WEEK, AND SO MUCH MORE COMMUNITY SUPPORT FOR GROWING THE HABITS THAT WILL BUILD THE LOVE AND SEX YOU REALLY WANT.

Click here to listen to this episode.

Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!

Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too. 

5-star reviews help more women find my podcast -  and thereby have better love  and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read!  Totally your good deed for the day!  Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about  the podcast. Thank you so much!

OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

Download a Transcript Download on iTunes
Join the (free) Conscious Couples' Circle

015: Food, Drink & Escape Hatches

EPISODE SHOW NOTES

Holidays.   Holy Daze!  This time of year,  more than others, many  people indulge and over-indulge.  The effect on our relationships of drinking, eating, spending, using pot, and other “escape hatches” can be intensely negative, but also hard to pinpoint.  In this episode, I’m getting specific about the damage my food addiction did in my life & marriage and giving you tools to address any compulsions or addictions you identify in yourself.  I’ll also share what to do (and what not to!) if you suspect your sweetheart has a problem.


This episode spills:

  • How to tell the difference between addiction and compulsion

  • The effects of addictions or compulsivebehaviors on relationships

  • What to do if you think your partner has an addiction or compulsion

  • What’s possible on the other side of admitting there’s a problem

And more. 


Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.

"Stepping into recovery has opened up new vistas for me... New possibilities. There’s a depth and a sweetness in my marriage, and also my relationship with myself and my relationship with the Divine, that I couldn't have even imagined when I first began."

- Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

Hot Moments in This Episode:

The elephant in the room when talking about love and sex 00:45

How escape hatches can manifest 02:24

Defining addiction and compulsion 03:30

One thing that changed my dramatically 06:30

The secret I even kept from my therapist 08:42

What to do if my partner has an addiction problem 18:43

It’s really vulnerable to share the story of my addiction and to admit publicly how powerless I am about what I eat.  But if sharing my story helps even one person see that they don’t have  to struggle daily forever with their own addiction, it will absolutely have been worth it.  

I  deeply hope this episode has helped you yourself and/or a loved one with more compassion and hope. 

You're always invited to ask questions and share your reactions and results from each episode. You can post in the question thread in the private community at Conscious Couples’ Circle or leave us a voicemail at 206-659-9865.

My favorite books on recovery (notably, all by actual addicts, not just clinicians who try to help without having walked the path:

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts - Gabor Maté

Recovery―The Sacred Art: The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice - Rabbi Rami Shapiro

Twenty  Four Hours a Day - a daily thought I read first thing every single morning 

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie

Recovery: Freedom from Our Addictions by Russell Brand


12 Step Recovery Fellowships for Those Facing Addiction or Compulsion:

The O.G. recovery program: 

The founders of AA adapted a 12-step system from another organization to create a process by which alcoholics could help  one another stop relying on alcohol to cope with life.   The other 12-step groups I list here all draw from the heritage of AA’s 12 Steps for their recovery program, with additional tools and literature specific to the nature of the particular challenge their members share.

RECOVERING FROM THE EFFECTS OF TRAUMA, ABUSE, NEGLECT, WITH OR WITHOUT ADDICTIONS:

 

CLUTTER, HOARDING, POSSESSIONS (see also money/shopping programs below):

 

RELATIONSHIPS & CODEPENDENCY (ALSO SEE SEX CATEGORY BELOW):

 

EMOTIONS, MENTAL ILLNESS:

OTHER DRUGS:

 

FOOD, BODY IMAGE, ANOREXIA, BULIMIA, BINGE EATING:

SEX & “LOVE” ADDICTION:

WORK, MONEY, SPENDING, SHOPPING, DEBT, EARNING, AND GAMBLING:

Specialty 12 Step Groups for Those whose Loved Ones Are Addicted or Compulsive:

Al-Anon/Alateen, for friends and families of alcoholics, associated with AA

Families Anonymous - For relatives and friends concerned about the use of drugs or related behavioral problems

I’m not an addictions counselor. You may want to see one locally, and especially in this time of COVID, you can reach a 12 Step meeting related to your particular challenge any day of the week from anywhere in the world, because so many in-person meetings are now held on the phone or on Zoom or Skype. And whether you are seeing an addiction counselor, working a 12-step program, or still trying to figure out what to do about your own or your partner’s problematic behavior patterns, I am here to help your couple.


If you want to take the work you’ve done on yourself and the consciousness you’ve worked hard to gain and apply it to create consistently magnificent relationships in your marriage, with your kids, and beyond, I am here to help. More fun than therapy, more effective than anything, clients say coaching with me permanently uplevels their love, sex, leadership and life. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.


CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FREE AND PRIVATE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE (IT’S ON MIGHTY NETWORKS, NOT FACEBOOK!). I CREATED THE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE TO GIVE POWERFUL WOMEN AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM A CONFIDENTIAL, AD-FREE PLACE TO ENGAGE IN THE VITAL CONVERSATIONS WE SEED WITH THE PODCAST EVERY WEEK, AND SO MUCH MORE COMMUNITY SUPPORT FOR GROWING THE HABITS THAT WILL BUILD THE LOVE AND SEX YOU REALLY WANT.

Click here to listen to this episode.

Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!

Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too. 

5-star reviews help more women find my podcast -  and thereby have better love  and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read!  Totally your good deed for the day!  Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about  the podcast. Thank you so much!

OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

Download a Transcript Download on iTunes
Join the (free) Conscious Couples' Circle

014: Reaching Across The Ignorance Divide

EPISODE SHOW NOTES

“How  can I talk  to  my (aunt/brother-in-law/husband/neighbor) whose views on social  justice/race/health care/women’s rights/LGBTQIA rights  are so very different from mine and  I want to shout?”  In honor of the impending holiday season, todays episode distills some what I’ve observed about how friends - mostly female or nonbinary - deal with ME in my ignorance about privilege around gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, education level, and class.  I never intended to be racist, heteronormative, cisnormative, or classist, but privilege has that effect: it truncates the humanity of those who  have it.  Listen in to learn how to stay engaged when you feel outraged.


This episode spills:

  • The secret to engaging with people who baffle you

  • When we’re very aware of how wrong someone is, how to focus on what's right

  • Why letting go of today’s interaction helps today’s interaction go better

  • Think YOU are not the problem? Think again

And more. 


Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.

"No one thing changes everything. We have to be the change today, and we have to stay the change tomorrow. We have to continue to bring the energy that we want to see in the world. And we have to remain engaged in the conversation."

- Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

"The world is half right and half wrong. But that doesn't mean that half the people are 100% right, and the other half are 100% wrong. It means each one of us individually is 50% right and 50% wrong.Find out what is 50% wrong in yourself, and what is 50% right in your neighbor, and the world moves together again."

- Carl Jung

Hot Moments in This Episode:

Choose how you show up based on who you want to be 02:08

Self-care for difficult conversations 03:55

Why flipping out won’t bring the change we long to see 05:20

The importance of taking the long view 05:57

Recognize your privilege and use it to be the solution 08:39

Never Condescend 09:09

Listen with curiosity 11:09

Engage as if your life depends on it 13:43

Stick up for others 15:40

I am so grateful for the chance to support you in “figuring things out” whether on your own or with support and structure to guarantee your success.  I’m thrilled you’re committed to cultivating your aliveness in love and sex and that we’re engaged in this conversation.  It is my greatest joy and privilege.  I hope this episode has helped you find new ways to get support and perspective for your love and sex challenges. 

If you'd like to talk with me about our working together, you can schedule a consultation at https://lisenbury.as.me/consultation. Whether you do it on your own or you get help, remember the three keys to creating a change in your relationship: perspective, attention and sustained effort.

You're always invited to ask questions and share your reactions and results from each episode. You can post in the question thread in the private community at Conscious Couples’ Circle or leave us a voicemail at 206-659-9865.


If you want to take the work you’ve done on yourself and the consciousness you’ve worked hard to gain and apply it to create consistently magnificent relationships in your marriage, with your kids, and beyond, I am here to help. More fun than therapy, more effective than anything, clients say coaching with me permanently uplevels their love, sex, leadership and life. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.


CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FREE AND PRIVATE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE (IT’S ON MIGHTY NETWORKS, NOT FACEBOOK!). I CREATED THE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE TO GIVE POWERFUL WOMEN AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM A CONFIDENTIAL, AD-FREE PLACE TO ENGAGE IN THE VITAL CONVERSATIONS WE SEED WITH THE PODCAST EVERY WEEK, AND SO MUCH MORE COMMUNITY SUPPORT FOR GROWING THE HABITS THAT WILL BUILD THE LOVE AND SEX YOU REALLY WANT.

Click here to listen to this episode.

Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!

Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too. 

5-star reviews help more women find my podcast -  and thereby have better love  and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read!  Totally your good deed for the day!  Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about  the podcast. Thank you so much!

OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

Download a Transcript Download on iTunes
Join the (free) Conscious Couples' Circle

013: How to Figure It Out On Your Own

EPISODE SHOW NOTES

People often think they need to figure out their relationship challenges between the two of them.   They think they should, that the problems aren’t so bad they need help, and that they have what it takes to solve it.  If you think those things, you may be right!  This episode is here to help you get to the bottom of whatever has you stuck, or to understand why you can’t.  Either way, it’s definitely worth your time if there’s something you want to  have be better in your relationship.


As you listen to this episode, you'll learn:

  • Discover the 3 keys needed to create a change in your relationship

  • Why couples feel like they need to figure out their relationship problems on their own, even though they often can’t

  • Is “Happily Ever After” an unrealistic expectation?

  • The secret to why even the most high-functioning people have relationship challenges

  • 2 really painful lies that challenge your relationship

And more. 


Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.

"People are annoying. They don't do what we want them to do. They need things from us at just the wrong time. It is terribly inconvenient to live with another person and all the more so if they rely on us, or we rely on them for deeply felt needs or wants. When they are Your Person and you are Their Person, you’re guaranteed to plug one another in."

- Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

Hot Moments in This Episode:

Why certain beliefs make it is so hard to talk openly about sex 01:40

Does the perfect relationship really exist?  02:24

What you can learn from clogged pipes & house maintenance 06:02

Getting support for your relationship is NOT a sign of weakness but strength. 11:25

Learn my secret practice to help you go for GREAT!  12:58 

The 3 keys to understanding self-reinforcing cycles 13:48

I am so grateful for the chance to support you in “figuring things out” whether on your own or with support and structure to guarantee your success.  I’m thrilled you’re committed to cultivating your aliveness in love and sex and that we’re engaged in this conversation.  It is my greatest joy and privilege.  I hope this episode has helped you find new ways to get support and perspective for your love and sex challenges. 

So if you'd like to talk with me about our working together, you can schedule a consultation at  https://lisenbury.as.me/consultation. Whether you do it on your own or you get help, remember the three keys to creating a change in your relationship: perspective, attention and sustained effort.

You're always invited to ask questions and share your reactions and results from each episode. You can post in the question thread in the private community at Conscious Couples’ Circle  or leave us a voicemail at 206-659-9865.


If you and your partner  (or maybe just you,  as far as  you know!) long for more closeness, heat, and intimacy in your relationship, I am here to help.  More fun than therapy, more effective than anything, clients say coaching with me permanently uplevels their love, sex, leadership  and life.  CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.


CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FREE AND PRIVATE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE (IT’S ON MIGHTY NETWORKS, NOT FACEBOOK!). I CREATED THE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE TO GIVE POWERFUL WOMEN AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM A CONFIDENTIAL, AD-FREE PLACE TO ENGAGE IN THE VITAL CONVERSATIONS WE SEED WITH THE PODCAST EVERY WEEK, AND SO MUCH MORE COMMUNITY SUPPORT FOR GROWING THE HABITS THAT WILL BUILD THE LOVE AND SEX YOU REALLY WANT.

Click here to listen to this episode.

Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!

Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too. 

5-star reviews help more women find my podcast -  and thereby have better love  and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read!  Totally your good deed for the day!  Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about  the podcast. Thank you so much!

OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

Download a Transcript Download on iTunes
Join the (free) Conscious Couples' Circle

011: Reveal Your Erotic Appetites

EPISODE SHOW NOTES

Amazing things happen when people tune in to Sex. Love. Power!  This episode grew from a great story one listener shared with me.  Our past episodes had her start opening  up with her partner about her desires, tastes, and needs.  This amazing woman listened and then just RAN WITH IT.    I was so inspired that now I’m explicitly guiding you to do the same.  Can’t  wait to hear what unfolds at your house!

As you listen to this episode, you'll learn:

  • Why it is challenging to communicate to your partner that you want THEM to lead in the bedroom

  • The 3 key conversations you need to have with your partner about sex

  • How to get out of your mind and into your body

  • How to pinpoint your fantasies and how to share them

And more.  


Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.

"Sex is not superficial or shallow, or just for the newly in love. Sex is a gift that can keep on giving all our lives, infusing our days with vitality and pleasure and deep connection."

- Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

Hot Moments in This Episode:

As smart, make-it-happen women, we don't have a lot of space where turn on and  desire are discussed with the depth and the precision and the soul that they and we deserve. 00:13

What's most important for YOU to feel to get out of your head and into your body. 02:47

Wanna know my secret on-ramp? It could work for you too. 03:29

Find out the one fantasy that many successful women have. 04:24

Your turn ons are as unique as your thumbprint. They are absolutely individual to you. Same with your partner. 08:52

I hope you find this episode helps you start some smokin’  hot conversations with your partner that help you reveal yourself and see them in a new light, too.  It is my deep pleasure and privilege to help awaken the erotic intelligence in long-married people so you can live a passionate love story for your whole lives long. 


Episode 4: Safe Surrender: Asking him to lead. Erotic transcendence


If you and your partner (or maybe just you, as far as you know!) long for more closeness, heat, and intimacy in your relationship, I am here to help. More fun than therapy, more effective than anything, clients say coaching with me permanently uplevels their love, sex, leadership and life. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.


CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FREE AND PRIVATE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE (IT’S ON MIGHTY NETWORKS, NOT FACEBOOK!). I CREATED THE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE TO GIVE POWERFUL WOMEN AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM A CONFIDENTIAL, AD-FREE PLACE TO ENGAGE IN THE VITAL CONVERSATIONS WE SEED WITH THE PODCAST EVERY WEEK, AND SO MUCH MORE COMMUNITY SUPPORT FOR GROWING THE HABITS THAT WILL BUILD THE LOVE AND SEX YOU REALLY WANT.

Click here to listen to this episode.

Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!

Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too. 

5-star reviews help more women find my podcast -  and thereby have better love  and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read!  Totally your good deed for the day!  Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about  the podcast. Thank you so much!

OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

Download a Transcript Download on iTunes
Join the (free) Conscious Couples' Circle

010: Being the Visionary in Your Relationship and Getting Partnership in Family Labor

EPISODE SHOW NOTES

On this episode - our first Ask Michele - I answer two great questions from listeners.  One has been inviting her husband into deeper intimacy but is worried the relationship will get lopsided or he’ll begin to roll his eyes at her if she asks for more of what she envisions for them.  The other reader is frustrated that, although  her partner is doing a lot around the house while she works and he doesn’t, he does it on his timeframe, and it still feels like ultimately, the buck stops with HER.  Listen in for my thoughts, which will apply to your life & love whether or not your circumstances match these listeners’ or not.

As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about/learn/discover:

  • How to invite your beloved in deeper without fear 

  • The truth learned during my person couples counseling journey. Here’s a secret, I didn’t like what I heard

  • How to create a truly egalitarian relationship that works for both of you

  • What omelets and fruit salad have to do with relationships?

  • Tips for when you feel like you are doing it all and need some help

And more.

Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couple’s Circle on Mighty Networks.

“If we're going to create egalitarian relationships, we're gonna have to be really intentional, and really clear eyed in how we approach this, because if we don't we wind up really pissed off and really exhausted. And neither of those feels remotely turned on, am I right?"

- Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

Hot Moments in This Episode:

Michele Lisenbury Christensen 3:31

1. The secret to getting to the next level when you don't know what you really want.

Michele Lisenbury Christensen 6:51

2. How to successfully frame a conversation when you fear your partner's response. 

Michele Lisenbury Christensen 10:37

3.  Learn to build and share with your partner the highest vision of your relationship, so that  it becomes an organic part of your relationship. 

Michele Lisenbury Christensen 15:00

4. PLUS tips on how to give your partner the information and ownership required to ease your burden today and always.

I hope you find this episode helps you see some of your own and your partner’s experiences in a refreshing new light.  I hope it helps you remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.


CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FREE AND PRIVATE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE (IT’S ON MIGHTY NETWORKS, NOT FACEBOOK!). I CREATED THE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE TO GIVE POWERFUL WOMEN AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM A CONFIDENTIAL, AD-FREE PLACE TO ENGAGE IN THE VITAL CONVERSATIONS WE SEED WITH THE PODCAST EVERY WEEK, AND SO MUCH MORE COMMUNITY SUPPORT FOR GROWING THE HABITS THAT WILL BUILD THE LOVE AND SEX YOU REALLY WANT.

Click here to listen to this episode.

Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!

Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too. 

5-star reviews help more women find my podcast -  and thereby have better love  and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read!  Totally your good deed for the day!  Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about  the podcast. Thank you so much!

OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

Download a Transcript Download on iTunes
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009: Do You Use Disapproval to Motivate Yourself & Others?

EPISODE SHOW NOTES

My latest podcast episode names something many of us do rather unconsciously: we threaten and dole out disapproval.  Disapproval and withholding our approval till someone has complied with our demands are behaviors so baked into our families and cultures that it's downright shocking to see their pervasiveness, when it’s pointed out.  It sounds violent to be so disapproving, and it seems to run counter to our values... And it is and it does!  Yet you may still be doing it a lot.   I know I have done it a lot.  

So we need to talk about disapproval and what it does to relationships:  with our partners, with our kids, with ourselves, and with those who live in different spots on the political spectrum than we do.  

As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:

  • The “secret” of creating more of what we desire in love and sex

  • How to unlock tremendous capacities for effecting change

  • Why using disapproval to motivate your partner or kids just won’t work 

  • The 6 most important things to edit out of your communication 

  • How adding one “secret society’ tip sets you up for a win

And more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.

“Disapproval - or the threat of disapproval - never motivates anyone to do anything. "
- Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

Hot Moments in This Episode:

There IS hope if you’ve tried to ask for what you want without success or you feel your spouse is super critical.  01:15

Why if we want to be able to get more of what we desire in love and sex we need to talk about disapproval. 01:28

How disapproval makes us feel less safe.   03:39

What we need to do to unlock tremendous capacities for effecting change.   04:13

The special magic we can find within us when we want someone to see us.  05:26

How to express a big intense feeling to make a clear way to counter-offer 07:40

The bottom line of healthful negotiation  08:26

…Tune in to Episode 010 to hear my hot takes on listener questions in our first Ask Michele episode of the season.  Ask your questions for this or a future Ask Michele episode by calling 206-659-9865.

CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FREE AND PRIVATE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE (IT’S ON MIGHTY NETWORKS, NOT FACEBOOK!). I CREATED THE CONSCIOUS COUPLES’ CIRCLE TO GIVE POWERFUL WOMEN AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM A CONFIDENTIAL, AD-FREE PLACE TO ENGAGE IN THE VITAL CONVERSATIONS WE SEED WITH THE PODCAST EVERY WEEK, AND SO MUCH MORE COMMUNITY SUPPORT FOR GROWING THE HABITS THAT WILL BUILD THE LOVE AND SEX YOU REALLY WANT.

Click here to listen to this episode.

Subscribe & Review in iTunes Now

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I want to encourage you to do that today. I don’t want you to miss an episode. I’m adding a bunch of bonus episodes to the mix and if you’re not subscribed there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on those. Click here to subscribe in iTunes!

Now if you’re feeling ultra-loving, I would be profoundly grateful if you left a review for me over on iTunes, too. 

5-star reviews help more women find my podcast -  and thereby have better love  and sex - and your review will also be so fun for me to go in and read!  Totally your good deed for the day!  Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Reviews” and “Write a Review” and let me know your favorite thing about  the podcast. Thank you so much!

OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

Download a Transcript Download on iTunes
Join the (free) Conscious Couples' Circle

007: Self-Regulation Toolkit Part II: Fight or Flight

EPISODE SHOW NOTES

If you have a nervous system, you need this episode.   It's the second part of an accessible and entertaining introduction to your nervous system and the crucial cranial nerve known as the Vagus Nerve.  

If you ever:
- react strongly to your partner and want to fight or flee or both
- feel exhausted, at an emotional or energetic level, by your day
- feel like you just need time *alone* but seldom seem to get enough to want to reconnect

You'll learn how to notice what state you're in and discover specific ways to strengthen your vagal response so that, given time and care, you can gladly come back into connection. 

As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:

  • Part two of our conversation about your nervous system and how to make the most of it so that you can settle down.

  • How the nervous system is used to move ourselves from a frozen state to be able to access a "fight or flight" state and ultimately, to be able to access the most responsive, connected places.

  • Why the "fight or flight" response happens and how to recognize it in yourself and what to do when you're in it. 

  • How the fight response ultimately not only affects your relationship and your love but also damages your bodies AND how YOU can to stimulate the vagus nerve so it will turn on a   relaxation response


And more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Secret Society on Mighty Networks.

“If you're locked in battle with your partner all the time,
it's costing you. It's costing you physical health
and longevity to be in that state. 
So if you think about it, by calling a timeout, or saying,
"Let's take a break. We'll come back to this when we're calmer."
That is, to your mind, escaping.

- Dr. Jessica Pullins

Hot Moments in This Episode:

Recap of part 1 and making the most of your nervous system so you can settle down  (01:40)

Ways the nervous system reacts to a perceived threat and how to make the choice that is safest for your body (04:18)

Why even though we may not want to hurt people our nervous system may uncharacteristically act out & do so (06:19)

How recognizing, "Nothing good can come" can save a relationship (08:26)

The harmful cascade of stress chemicals when we are our nervous system is in a state of fight or flight  (10:27)

How you can soothe your nervous system on your own by  rubbing and pulling on your ears or smoothing your face with your hands (16:16)

I hope you find this episode helps you see some of your own and your partner’s nervous system responses in a refreshing new light. I hope it helps you remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.

Click here to download a free pdf self-regulation quick guide summarizing the tools mentioned in both episodes and more.

Click here to listen to this episode.

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