I’ve gathered stories from hundreds of couples about what they’ve tried to help them get more interested in sex, spice up a lackluster sexual connection, or make time in their busy lives for sex. Now, I’m not knocking any of these or saying that every single one of them can’t produce results, at least in the immediate sense. But each has either its drawbacks or some limitation to its effectiveness. Let’s see how this matches your experience….
The things that nourish us are coded into our bodies as yearnings, so that we’ll go after them. Our bodies won’t leave us alone until we have what they need. But if we’re really good at ignoring those signals, they’ll go underground and start messing with us until they get our attention. Let’s not let it come to that. Let’s listen well to our own yearnings.
When we simply complain or express disapproval instead of making a request at all, we’re planting rat turds and expecting flowers to grow from them.
Your desires... should you allow them to come forward... may not turn out to be the craven, insatiable, self-serving beasts you've been told they are --- whether you're a woman or a man --- and, I'll wager, your sensitive and conscious engagement with them will guide you to choices that will serve you well. And they might just change the world.
HEY. YOUR DESIRES CALLED. They wanted me to pass along a few messages, ’cause they’ve noticed you don’t give them the kind of attention they deserve. They’re guessing it’s because you don’t really know what they’re for or how they can help you, your relationship, and your magnificent work in the world. But they (with a little scribin’ help from moi) can set the record straight. Here goes.
The process of recovering from my miscarriage has necessitated looking at a lot of the places in my life where I wasn’t telling the truth, where I wasn’t being courageous, where I was trying to play it safe but creating anything but comfort, safety, and happiness.
Delight. It’s long been my signature word. Utter illumination. Feeling lit from within by my own joy, my own capacity to deeply receive and savor the experiences of my life… both light and dark.
YOU. ARE. ALLOWED. YOU’RE ALLOWED AND EVEN ENCOURAGED. You’re allowed to need time (even lots and lots of time) alone in order to be balanced and happy. Even when you love someone.
A male client asked me this week for any resources I could point him to that would help him expand his receiving capacity. At first I was frustrated… I haven’t come across a great book for this, but it NEEDS to be written!
We’re both blessed and cursed to live in a time when yoga is a household word and the notion of taking time to ground and center yourself is not only accepted but encouraged. Cursed, because the ego will use ANYTHING to its own wily devices.
What matters more than money? Why do I do what I do? Why would I do it even if I had to pay, rather than getting paid, to do it? It came to me immediately: Intimacy is currency to me.
I stumble in and sit down.
Through my sleepiness, I do my best to find that posture that takes on a life of its own.
For minutes, I wiggle and chase thoughts. Then I settle.
I feel the delicious weight of stillness pressing into my back.
I drop my shoulders even further. Rest.
Every few weeks, I’ll complete a project on a weekend or after the kids are in bed. But - have I mentioned this? - I also dedicate a lot of space and attention to staying deeply connected to my husband. And as I’ve learned the hard way and perhaps you know, too: computers after dark are vicious libido-killers.
There are longings in all our hearts to feel more _____. Easeful, cherished, abundant, ravished, adored, successful, smart... Whatever it is you want to feel more often and with more intensity, I'm plunkin' my chips on the table to bet that you haven't been practicing holding more of that feeling when it comes your way.
John Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences has one called Kinesthetic Intelligence. Proproioception - knowing where your body is in space. Eye-hand coordination. Physical grace. The ability to move your limbs together in concert in a way that facilitates dancing - or even walking or running - well. Admittedly, among my many gifts, kinesthetic intelligence is not a strong suit. I'm kind of a kutz.
They wanted me to pass along a few messages, 'cause they've noticed you don't give them the kind of attention they deserve. They're guessing it's because you don't really know what they're for or how they can help you, your relationship, and your magnificent work in the world. But they (with a little scribin' help from moi) can set the record straight. Here goes.
One reason a champion racehorse is such a beautiful sight, when running at its full speed, is that her power is completely unfurled - nothing held back, nothing pent up. The same horse, back in the starting gate, was stomping and snorting, raring to go and emitting the acrid scent of impatience, even frustration at being held back. She's BUILT to RUN.