I’ve gathered stories from hundreds of couples about what they’ve tried to help them get more interested in sex, spice up a lackluster sexual connection, or make time in their busy lives for sex. Now, I’m not knocking any of these or saying that every single one of them can’t produce results, at least in the immediate sense. But each has either its drawbacks or some limitation to its effectiveness. Let’s see how this matches your experience….
Are you allowed to want it?
The things that nourish us are coded into our bodies as yearnings, so that we’ll go after them. Our bodies won’t leave us alone until we have what they need. But if we’re really good at ignoring those signals, they’ll go underground and start messing with us until they get our attention. Let’s not let it come to that. Let’s listen well to our own yearnings.
Is this why you don't get what you ask for?
Must Women Keep Their Desire in Check?
Your desires... should you allow them to come forward... may not turn out to be the craven, insatiable, self-serving beasts you've been told they are --- whether you're a woman or a man --- and, I'll wager, your sensitive and conscious engagement with them will guide you to choices that will serve you well. And they might just change the world.
Your Desires Want To Set The Record Straight
HEY. YOUR DESIRES CALLED. They wanted me to pass along a few messages, ’cause they’ve noticed you don’t give them the kind of attention they deserve. They’re guessing it’s because you don’t really know what they’re for or how they can help you, your relationship, and your magnificent work in the world. But they (with a little scribin’ help from moi) can set the record straight. Here goes.
The Wrenching Loss That Woke Me Up
I’m Not Going Anywhere, But This Has To Change
Did you Think you Weren’t Allowed?
How Men Can Let More In
Imperfect Self-Care
Intimacy is my currency. What's yours?
What Time Do You First Go Online?
Do you feel unsuccessful?
Every few weeks, I’ll complete a project on a weekend or after the kids are in bed. But - have I mentioned this? - I also dedicate a lot of space and attention to staying deeply connected to my husband. And as I’ve learned the hard way and perhaps you know, too: computers after dark are vicious libido-killers.
How Much Can You Receive?
There are longings in all our hearts to feel more _____. Easeful, cherished, abundant, ravished, adored, successful, smart... Whatever it is you want to feel more often and with more intensity, I'm plunkin' my chips on the table to bet that you haven't been practicing holding more of that feeling when it comes your way.
Erotic Intelligence
John Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences has one called Kinesthetic Intelligence. Proproioception - knowing where your body is in space. Eye-hand coordination. Physical grace. The ability to move your limbs together in concert in a way that facilitates dancing - or even walking or running - well. Admittedly, among my many gifts, kinesthetic intelligence is not a strong suit. I'm kind of a kutz.
Your Desires Want to Set the Record Straight
They wanted me to pass along a few messages, 'cause they've noticed you don't give them the kind of attention they deserve. They're guessing it's because you don't really know what they're for or how they can help you, your relationship, and your magnificent work in the world. But they (with a little scribin' help from moi) can set the record straight. Here goes.
For What Are You Built?
One reason a champion racehorse is such a beautiful sight, when running at its full speed, is that her power is completely unfurled - nothing held back, nothing pent up. The same horse, back in the starting gate, was stomping and snorting, raring to go and emitting the acrid scent of impatience, even frustration at being held back. She's BUILT to RUN.